It wasn’t until I turned 40 that I became alive. Finding out I had breast cancer aided me in my self-discovery.
What I thought was self-love all my adult life turned out to be a woman going along to get along. Since I started writing my memoir in 2017, I’ve had to face some tough truths. Looking at the woman in the mirror is no easy feat.
In fact, even now at 43, I find myself cautious in ways that I would never have been in my twenties. Is that a good thing? Sure, it’s called maturity. Yet, I am speaking of being cautious when it comes to going after my dreams, and walking an unknown path.
Many times, I’ve stumbled and stopped based on feedback from those I love. I’ve come to realize they may not understand my journey. Some struggle with the calling on my life Heck, so do I.
Being called and chosen by God is not an easy undertaking. It requires a daily dying of self. Dying is painful. Dying says that I can’t retaliate when someone hurts me. It tells me to follow the scriptures, and live for God. Dying requires me to walk without knowing where these feet are leading me. In the same token, I can’t concern myself with others in a sense of allowing them to stumble me.
Each day I am discovering more about myself. You see, God saved me out of the world and a debased mindset in 2010. Since then, I have been on a rollercoaster ride, and a great awakening.
I knew God in theory, but now I know Him in an intimate way. We have a solid relationship. Through this relationship, I ‘ve learned to receive the love He has for me. In fact, I’ve learned to love myself, flaws and all. We are all a work in progress, but there should be some progress.
I have a voice and it’s powerful! I am somebody!
I often wonder where would I be had I never left home as a teenager. Everything I have endured brought me to this moment. Our lives are testimonies. My life is a testament to the goodness of God. I am a witness that He is faithful, and His mercy endures forever.
In the past, I would latch on to people because of my past. I didn’t feel I deserved true love because of the things that I did. I messed up so much. I allowed men to use my body. I thought it was a testament to my power that they wanted me, but it was actually low self-esteem.
My amazing discovery was loving myself. The quirky side, the serious side, the sensual side, the nerdy side, the dreamer and visionary, and more.
I know that my life is a sum of decisions that I made. The Lord weaved Himself in it and told me He called and chose me for His Glory. He then shifted my path and allowed me to go through different trials which strengthens my faith.
I know who I am and how to love, not only me, but others. This is an amazing discovery!
I want to help others discover themselves and their self-worth. It doesn’t matter what you did. What matters is what you’ve learned, and where do you go from here? I am not my mistakes! Through my journey, you will see bravery, authenticity, and an overcomer to the Glory of God!
Writing my memoir, “Everybody Kneeling ain’t Praying” was difficult. I confronted issues that I preferred to keep hiding away. It was in pure obedience that I am sharing my story. The word says that we are overcomers by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony.
And so I forge ahead, with the Lord leading me. This feels like a journal entry LOL. Oh well. I have embraced this side as well. I am a writer, and have been since a child.
My contributions count.
I’m excited for more amazing discoveries as I continue on my journey.
Thanks for reading and God bless you.
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