Bzzzz Bzzzz

My cell phone continues to vibrate as I sit on the side of my bed staring forward.

I wasn’t looking at anything in particular. My natural eyes saw the wall, but my spiritual, inner eyes saw my mom.

Licking my lips, I taste the salt of my silent tears. It’s been 4 years of Mother’s Days without Mom. “I miss you Mom.” I quietly whisper.

I pick up my phone, looking at 62 text messages, missed phone calls and voice messages.

I proceed to respond to them all, encouraging others, sending love with tears.

I allow myself to cry, mourn and feel. I believe the word of God and it says there is a time for everything under the sun. “A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance.”

(Ecclesiastes 3:4)

Nothing takes away the pain of losing my mother, but the Lord God has covered and comforted me. He kept me from being consumed by my grief, leading to a deep depression. He showed me that mourning was normal. Even Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus.

I miss my mom everyday, not just today. But today does give it an extra sting.

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I pray for all of you who have lost your mothers. I know that pain. 🙏🏽❤️

Does it get easier? Well, I’ll say this: My first year is not the same as today; however, the hurt and pain of her absence doesn’t go away. I believe, my ability to carry it has gotten easier, if that makes sense?

My unsolicited advice: Allow yourself to feel and be what you need to be to get through. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should mourn. That’s unfair and selfish. We are unique, with nuances that differ one to the other. There is no “right” way to mourn.

Let’s let each other “live.”

Even though I’m mourning, I can love on someone else. I can pray for others. It helps to be a blessing. 💫

I encourage you to allow God to comfort you. He’s a very present help in times of trouble.

My mom is at rest now. I miss her presence in me and my children’s lives. Her laughter, transparency and boldness.

Today, I remember…

Today, I choose to be present with what I need for me today.

Thank you for reading. ❤️

Sending love and positive vibes your way. 🙏🏽❤️

Blessings,

Xoxo

Tara Tucker