Category Archives: faith

Elevate in your walk

Go Higher

 

 

Don’t let your circumstances dictate when you praise. You have it all wrong if you’re only praising God when things are going well. Praise should continuously be on your mouth. (Psalm 34:1)
Part of elevating in our walk with God requires us looking at Him as a present help in times of trouble. (Psalm 46:1) Even if we aren’t seeing the results we want. Knowing that He is well able is enough to make you shout,

“Praise God!”

[bctt tweet=”True joy comes from God and it is there regardless of what is happening around you.” username=”AuthorTTucker”]

But how can you attain it? By resting in Him. You are resting in Him when you are fully trusting Him. Fully meaning no worries. Yes it’s possible. I write about it in my new devotional book, Going Higher.

You can get to a place of true surrender. Now I will warn you, once you get there you don’t look at anything the same. You are truly aware that you are in the world but not apart of it. Your emotions aren’t all over the place and you don’t fall out over everything. You are human, so yes you will still experience pain and sadness, etc; however, you absolutely will refuse to remain there. You will exercise your right to choose and you will choose love. You’ll choose to smile, and to forgive… it’s a beautiful thing, really.

[bctt tweet=”Rest comes with a renewed mind…” username=”AuthorTTucker”]

It’s getting increasingly evident to all that something is going on in the world. Both Christians and non-Christians can sense a change. If you are a bible reader then you know that we are in the last days. You know that our Lord Jesus is soon to return. We don’t know the date or hour but we can discern the times and seasons as it says in Matthew 24. Who knows how long? I certainly don’t, but what I do know is that it’s time out for playing.

Get yourself together. Get right by God. Seek Him while He still may be found. God has mercy and grace for us all. Developing a relationship or enhancing what you already have is necessary. The time is now. Not tomorrow. Elevate! The enemy is increasing his havoc out here in the world. We must be aware because he is going around like a roaring lion seeking whom to devour. (1 Peter 5:8)

There’s good news! We have Jesus! We have the Holy Spirit. He said that He who was in us is greater than he who is in the world. And if you don’t have Him you can go to Him in all sincerity. You must approach Him in humility. Then, you pray and ask him to forgive you. Let Him know that you believe that He came in the flesh and died for you. Tell Him that you believe that he rose on the 3rd day and is currently seated at the right hand of the Father. Ask him to come into your life.

That’s what I did in 2010. I had an amazing experience right in my bedroom as I cried to Jesus. I was afraid to pray to Him because of all the erroneous teaching I’d had all of my life. But God is wonderful! I am thankful!

I was an inactive Jehovah’s Witness at the time and had an amazing encounter with Jesus. He was calling me, and I answered. I didn’t get baptized until 2013 in Jesus name and that same year He filled me with the Holy Ghost. A Holy Ghost I didn’t even believe in as a JW!

The Lord is rea! My life is my proof. My walk since 2010 shows me His power. But even before that, if I’m being real, he was watching over me. He has known me and chosen me before the foundation of the world. Glory!

I encourage you to go to Him. True peace will never be found in anything or anyone except Jesus. You can weather any storm that you may encounter with him by your side.

I love you with the love of Christ and I wish you many blessings.

Dear God

Dear God,

I’m trying. I’m resting in you. Today, I’m reflecting over it all. I know you’ve been with me. You’ve been by my side and in front of me. Lord, sometimes I want to scream! Sometimes I want to cry. I am so strong and I hold things together but I don’t always want to. I have to. People are watching: My husband and children are watching. My family, and church members are watching. Clients and strangers are watching. You have me on display.

I’m an example right? That’s what you told me. I’m an inspiration and have to show people how to walk this thing out. I’m a walking epistle. Yeah, and I’m all for that most days.

Lord, I’m trying!

Reflecting, as I lay here in pain. Right now I am fighting emotions. I am in my feelings. I’m down again with another surgery, just when I was feeling somewhat “normal” again. “You’re almost at the finish line,” my cousin says. Yes cousin, almost. But what’s the finish line? Truly? I will always have to deal with something since the diagnosis. A year ago today I had tests done to determine if I had breast cancer. The results of course were positive. And thus the journey began. A new journey. Don’t get me wrong Lord I’m thankful to be alive. I’m thankful for growth. But my body seems like it has never recovered. I don’t care what I look like on the outside, I don’t feel the same, and it’s weird. Well, each day is better than the last. I thank you for that. Thank you for grace.
Photo by Diana Simumpande on Unsplash
 
I’m a different me. A better me? Sure, spirituality I am. Mentally and emotionally, I’m stable. I’m sane where I use to feel insane sometimes. Physically I am not better. I feel old and achy. I wish I was courageous enough to go with no boobs. This surgery sucks. But I’m not sure I want that or just want to be left alone and speaking from that place. Right now Lord I’m overwhelmed with my limitations from surgery. I’m so active that sitting down is foreign. I feel unproductive, and for a productive girl it’s hard to sit. But it’s needed.

Be still and know….Yes, God I hear you.

Lord, you’ve allowed so much to happen to me. So much…You say, I’m stronger than I know? Yes, I am starting to be aware.
I miss my mom. I wish I could talk to her…hug her.. hear her say my name and laugh with me. My mom understood me best. I miss my dad. He was so fun. Just a cool guy. I cry for them. Everything happened so fast Lord. Just a year. Lord help me! Thank you for being my Comforter. Thank you for your peace that surpasses all understanding.
Before I was saved I didn’t have all these problems. Now, I’ve had to close my business. I’ve lost my mom and dad and fighting a disease that kills people every day. Yes, I’m in remission, but my doctor says my reoccurrence rate is high so she watching me for 5 years. That is on my mind. I must have another surgery next month. That is on my mind. Whose report, you say? Well, I believe Yours, of course. I’m just reflecting.

All will be well! You are my Healer. Yes Lord. I know. I thank you.

I’m anxious for it to be over. What a long year it’s been Lord. Not to you though. A day is as 1,000 years for you.
Be anxious for nothing, yes I know…I hear you…
This journey is so rough emotionally and no one around me understands. They love me and they do the best they can. I love them.

Lord, I’m trying. I lay here trying to be comfortable when all I can do is stay on my back propped up on pillows. I can’t raise my arms. Can’t bend down or lift anything…Yes, I know it’s temporary. I try to stay focused on that fact. Yet sleep eludes me when I close my eyes.

I am thankful my daughter is driving herself to work and school. What a blessing! …Hating that I have to rely so much on her when she’s home to clean and cook. She’s tired. She is the sweetest and does so much for her mommy. My youngest daughter pokes her lips out when asked. That’s teenagers for you. But she does it – sometimes joyfully, sometimes begrudgingly. She’s a sweetheart too but she has a lot of my sass that’s for sure. But honestly, why do I have to ask anyway? They know I keep my house clean. Just do it! Because I can’t. I take good care of them all! It can get frustrating for me. Photo by Jad Limcaco on Unsplash

Lord I’m trying!

You say not to worry and just rest. So what if there’s a little clutter? So what if there’s a few dishes.
Don’t worry. Heal daughter.
You know what? I’m tired of being poked and prodded. Tired of surgeries.
You say to be thankful and I am. I’m thankful that I have a husband who loves me and works hard to take care of us. I’m thankful for my beautiful children. I’m thankful to be alive.
You know what? I feel guilty sometimes that I can’t do the regular things around the house. I feel guilty that I’m not ironing my husbands uniforms. I know I can’t right now. I know I’m limited. It’s temporary. Yes God. I know.
It’s impatience? Forgive me Lord. Sit and stay in your Presence? Focus on you? Yes God. Have mercy Lord.
But, I wish I could ask for help. Lord it’s so hard to ask for these things. My momma did that to me. There is still pride in me Lord. Continue to purge me.
Thank you for letting me vent Lord. Thank you for being a present help in time of trouble.

Sometimes it’s lonely…this route you’re taking me… these wonders you’re showing me. Who would believe me? People believe what they see but you’ve shown me to believe when I don’t see.

You let me see in the Spirit. You give me amazing dreams. I can’t articulate your greatness.
Lord, I’m trying. You’ve told me to rest and not worry. And you know that I do that. Forgive me in this moment. I’m venting. I haven’t slept well. My body aches. I hate complaining. I feel weak complaining.
This is all apart of my process. I’m on a journey. You’ve taken me to a higher level and you aren’t done. I’m grateful. I like to speak open and honest Lord. My concern, always, is that I’m not bringing reproach to your name. I don’t want to do that. Only Glory.
I think of you all the time. All the time. Above anything or anyone.

You call me faithful. Well Lord after all I’ve been through, all I’ve seen, all you’ve brought me out of, how can I not be faithful?

Lord I’m trying!

This thing is an everyday faith walk. No joke. No lie. And I can’t make it looking at anyone else. Not my husband, children, friends, family, or church members. People let me down. I’ve let them down. But you… you are constant. You don’t change. Lord I thank you!!! I give you glory, honor and praise cause you alone are good! Thank you for capturing each one of my tears.

Thank you for changing my life!
I know that you’ve allowed me to go through so much to be a testimony of your goodness. A testament to your ability to keep one in perfect peace, despite any trial. To show that you are a Deliverer, a Healer and Way-maker. Today, I am still in perfect peace. Even now. My joy overshadows any sadness I may temporarily experience.
It’s so different in my household Lord. You’ve made me a housewife. I laugh. Who wanted that? Not me. I’m a career woman. Right? Ha! Lord I’m trying! You’ve shown me that you are my Jehovah Jireh! My provider. The way my income set up, it could be no one or nothing but you Lord!
Why are my thoughts so different? I’m kinder, more patient. Now, I’m thinking of my family. I’m putting my husband first. My children… I use to put the salon first. Put me first. Put getting money first. I used to be selfish Lord. I use to be cut throat. I could cut someone with my words. I can admit it now. I chased money. I loved the freedom it afforded me. Yet I was bound! Lord I thank you! I chase you now! You provide for me and I am not yet what I will become.
.Photo by Jeremy Vessey on Unsplash

I’ve looked at the woman in the mirror. I’ve faced her head on.

What have you done to me?

You’ve made me soft! I don’t even argue anymore. The fighter doesn’t even argue or fight! Glory! I give a soft answer. Only you God! I want to cook and clean for them. I want to spend time with them. I use to spend so much time at the salon. It was my getaway. Lord you’ve made me a wife. A happy wife! And in response my husband has become more affectionate and loving towards me. There is nothing he wouldn’t do for me. Even cleaning if I asked lol. But I get it. The man works very hard outside our home. I know I’m loved. I feel it. I don’t question my husbands love for me. Even when he’s overwhelmed. This has been hard for him as well. I pray for him. I keep him before you. Strengthen him Lord!

Lord, you are something else. Now I’m smiling. I love you. I love the new mind you’ve given me. I love my forgiving heart.
You’ve allowed so much to fall on me because I can handle it. I’m pretty strong but where I’m weak you show your strength. Lord, I thank you. I’m leaning on you and not my own understanding. My understanding leads to confusion. You aren’t the author of confusion nor do you operate in it. Glory! I know when I’m operating in my flesh. Thank you for discernment. I console myself knowing that you will perfect that which concerns me. I know that you will keep me in perfect peace when my eyes are stayed upon you.
I’ve become peculiar. I’ve always been different, but now I’m “peculiar“ as one of your chosen. That’s what you said. You said, I’m not only called, but I’m chosen. I find comfort in your validation. I find comfort in knowing who I am. I said life was easier before being saved. Not true. It was me doing what I wanted on my own terms not knowing who I was. It was me struggling to find identity through men, women and also career. It was me smoking my days away thinking I’m living it up cause I could afford the good stuff. It was me making money my god. Me with a veil over my eyes.

Lord, I thank you

Thinking because I was making the devil’s money that I was good. I didn’t have to ask anyone for anything. I was truly living in deception. That’s what I know now. Lord, I thank you! The biggest thing you’ve done for me is to change my outlook. I can see! Not only with how I see myself but how I see everything else. I’m walking in complete transparency and for a girl who lived most of her life lying and hiding that’s huge!
I have these moments of reflection. I may even experience frustration and sadness. I’m thankful that they are fleeting moments. I am so aware that it makes me not fit in anywhere. I can’t say things because you’ve told me not too. I’m obedient above all. I fear you. I fear you more than I fear perception.
Lord I go to church and you’ve opened my eyes even there so that I see. Sometimes, I don’t want to see. Seeing can hurt. I feel a sadness. You show me so that I can pray. I want everyone to want you and pursue you. You’re so good! I see the complacency. I see the “It don’t take all that” looks and feel the energy. I see the real and fake love even towards me. I can’t act on it except to show love. To pray. You told me some look at me in wonder. You told me they are curious. Some are downright irritated. Show love. Yes God. I will. I love that you are there. Because you ARE there. Your presence fills the place. Thank you for my church home. I spread my arms to you in submission. I scream Glory and Hallelujah! I don’t care who’s looking. If they knew what I did they would praise you too! You are amazing.
Sometimes I feel so much that it’s hard to contain. Lord, I love you. Yes, I will rest. You know I’m thinking of my book. My deadline. I know you’re laughing. You’re laughing because you got me. You know all things. You gave me the book so I know all will be well. You showed me a glimpse of the plan. You know I’m excited and nervous about it. I want women to read and be encouraged. There’s no turning back for me. Elevator with no floors. I’ll just keep rising but to your glory. Not mine. You know how I feel about that. Your will. Your way.Photo by Hanny Naibaho on Unsplash

Thank you for making me new.

I feel strong and bold knowing that if you’re for me, who can be against me? You said just “live it.” My fruits will be seen from my household and then outwards. I see it Lord. And, others see it. This is a testament to your goodness. You’ve come in like a whirlwind. I thank you. Everything’s falling in line. It fell apart just to come together.

Better than before. Stronger than before. Rest, you tell me. Abide in you. Be encouraged. I hear you Father.

The enemy tries me. But I’m aware. I’m not afraid of him. I see how he creeps in my weak moments. I may be in bed and sore but I can talk! My words have power! God I thank you! You’ve given me spiritual sisters. A bond that I’ve never experienced before. My sisters have been here taking care of me. It brings me to tears, the love they’ve showed me. You’ve blessed me with a spiritual mother who loves me truly. Who prays for me, speaks into my life, gives me advice and correction. She spends time with me. She is a mother of many and I’m thankful to be apart of her life.
Lord, I thank you. I will rest. I will abide. I will listen. I will obey. I will wait. I will acknowledge you in all my ways. I am grateful. You’ve orchestrated stops in my life that I didn’t understand at the time. Lord, I thank you. I remember the dream a few years ago when I asked for a medium slurpee and you gave me one so large I couldn’t even carry it lol. You said that eyes have not seen, nor ears heard, nor has it entered into my heart the things you’ve prepared for me because you know the thoughts you think towards me.
God, I thank you! For every trial, and every encounter I’ve had with you! I thank you for my struggles. I thank you for my wilderness. Sometimes you make me stay hidden. Yet, you allow me moments to come out. Lord, I thank you. I walk in a grace that I didn’t before. Continue to strengthen me. Continue to stretch me. Continue to mold me. Keep me on the Potters wheel. There is no real happiness apart from you. You offer true contentment. True joy and peace. You make me randomly smile. Lord, I love you. I thank you. Keep me forever at your feet. In Jesus name. Amen
Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

The Authenticity of the Writer

Why I write

I enjoy writing immensely. If I could just write and that was all, there would be no issue. Regrettably, that is not the case. Being obedient to the call that the Lord has placed on me is exciting and uncomfortable at the same time. Granted, I have been speaking my mind, and posting scriptures for years on my personal platform. However, using a professional platform to showcase my writing leaves me vulnerable and open in a way that I didn’t feel before. Even so, this is what has been asked of me.

I know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. This is not in question. At the same time, I am being pulled to the front for all to see. As a result, I feel butterflies in my stomach after I publish my posts. I wonder if it will be received and if people will actually get it? “Am I qualified to write books as the Lord says that I will do?” These thoughts and more cross my mind. In any case, I believe the word when it says that God does not call the qualified, but qualifies the called. I can’t boast in myself, but in God! (1 Corinthians 1: 27-31)

The power of my Testimony                        

My testimony is powerful and will help many. I believe that with all that is in me. Be that as it may, it will also get me some side eye from the church folk. Yet I must fearlessly forge ahead! In addition, God blesses and adds no sorrow, so it will definitely work out. That is not the issue. He told me that I would have to be bold and courageous for this next season. Strangely enough, I happen to be both bold and courageous LOL. Truly. If you are a follower of my blog or even my personal social media, you can attest to that.

Authenticity is important in the christian walk. I remember being one way at home and another in public. Do you know how taxing that is? I’m sure some of you do. Some of you are that way. I am thankful to be continually pressing forward in the freedom that truth has given me. In fact, being truthful and leaning on God is how I live my life now. Of course that wasn’t always the case, yet I’m thankful to say I’ve progressed in the Lord during my Cancer journey more than I ever have prior to. (Psalm 107:1-2) (image source: Google.com)

My Progression

As a matter of fact, tragedy opened my eyes and ears to see and hear Him. Furthermore, I am home and not running the streets or in the salon from sun up to sundown. Instead, I am with my family. The growth that has been attained in my household is enough for me to shout, “Hallelujah!” Of course nothing is perfect, but let me tell you! The way my husband and I communicate with each other now versus a year ago is amazing progress. We are applying the word to our marriage, and as a result we are seeing the fruits. (Matthew 19:4-6) What gets me the most irritated in my home is not my husband but my children LOL. Discipline and consistency is what I am working on with them. (image source: Pinterest)

Who I’m writing to

I speak and write on these things to be encouraging to the body of Christ, but especially to married women. Consequently, I mostly relate to married women, as I have been married and divorced and married again. I write to the married christian woman who is not where she wants to be in God.

I also relate to women in general who are fighting the good fight of faith! (1 Timothy 6:12)

These women have a past that they need to forgive themselves for. As a matter of fact, they may have a “present” that needs forgiven. A “present,” that is rocky and bound with strongholds. I’ve been there too.

Jesus has already forgiven us, but we need to forgive ourselves and go forth with what He has called us to do. (2Corinthians 5:17) (Ephesians 1:7)

Transitioning

God is calling us higher as a body, and I recognize that. He is moving in a beautiful and miraculous way. The sermons the last few weeks at my church had many confirmations for me. In fact, this past Sunday spoke volumes to my spirit. It was the Spirit of God speaking through Pastor.

The Lord has revealed Himself to me in ways that have blown my mind. For this reason alone, my life will never be the same. He has changed the entire course of my life.

For example, I am a full time homemaker and writer. Who would have thought that would be my life? Not this lady. I just wanted to be in the salon, and write at my leisure as I’ve been doing for years. And not to knock housewives, because my mom was one, but that was not my plan. (Proverbs 16:1)

Still, it has been a great experience thus far. At home and the writing aspect. Of course with the writing, I have to keep learning the professional way to do things to pen a book. In fact, my writing keeps improving every time I sit down and type. Thank you Jesus! I am smiling as I write this because I know what He said to me. The vision is big and I only know in part, yet without the Lord it will not happen. (Proverbs 16:1) (Psalm 127:1)

At this point it’s all about obedience. It’s not about how I feel. All things considered, if you leave it up to me, I would still be in the salon and writing my little tidbits here and there on my facebook page. 

But God!

In conclusion

Finally you guys, I want to thank you. I know some look at me as if I’m crazy walking away from my salon to sit home and write. You know how I know that? Because I see some doing it when I tell them that I am not returning to the salon. They ask how can I leave something that was certain, for uncertainty? I try to explain this faith walk that I am on; however, everyone can’t receive it.

If you happen to know me, and you’re wondering what is going on, I will tell you like this: I am living my life in a way that I never have before. Freely! I am loving myself in a way that I wasn’t capable of before. Truly! In fact, my husband is loving me in a way that I didn’t know was possible. I would tell you that God has been working on me and through me, and I am letting Him. He’s stripped me bare and turned me to the mirror to face myself. Furthermore, I trust God. I am on that staircase walking up when I can’t see the next step. (Hebrews 11:1)

 

 

 

“You want me to do what, God?”

How many of you have received a word from the Lord that gave you pause? That made you say, “You want me to do what, God?”

I have.

I have received a few of those words, that I didn’t quite understand, yet most times, I obeyed. The times that I didn’t obey, I paid the price. We do suffer many things, not from the enemy or the Lord, but by our own decisions. You do know that, right? Some things are just us. We need to get out of our own way.

The Lord says that obedience is better than sacrifice. (1 Samuel  15:22)

Also, understand these 3 things. (I cited these 3 from jolly notes.com, but agree with them 100%)

#1 God is still God – God is still on the throne
Psalm 46:10, ESV Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!

#2 God Knows. God Understands.
It may not make sense to us, but it makes sense to God. There are some things that we just don’t have the capacity to fully understand right now. God may have allowed something to happen, but it doesn’t mean it makes God happy.
Isaiah 55:8-9, ESV For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

#3 God loves you very deeply – His love for us is profound, incomprehensible, unfathomable and everlasting
Jeremiah 31:3, NIV …I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.


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Knowing these things, and also referencing the many times that He has shown up in my life, leading and directing me, making things work out for my good, I know that I can trust Him.

Trust and faith is necessary to be obedient to God. You must believe that He will do what He says He will, even if it doesn’t look like it. You must trust His word.

Are there scenarios in the bible that I can reference? Sure, lets take a look at a few of my favorites from the Old and New Testaments:

  • God told Noah that He would cause it to rain and flood the earth for 40 days and 40 nights and to build an ark. Noah hadn’t experienced those weather conditions on earth before. He built it. He was ridiculed, yet he was obedient. He and his family were saved. He did everything God told him to do. Regardless of what he actually saw. He trusted God.
  • What about Moses? He was told to lead the people out of Egypt. Moses was not well spoken and did not think himself qualified. He said as much to God. God allowed his brother Aaron to assist but he still used Moses. Moses was successful in leading the children of Israel from Egypt. God did many signs and wonders thru Moses,
  • Abraham was told to sacrifice his son. His only son. The son of promise. He was obedient. He walked 3 days with his son to the mountain. His son asked where the sacrifice was and He told him that God would provide. He had so much trust in God. That was trust from a hard place. Can you imagine? All of the families on earth have been blessed because of Abraham, the father of faith.
  • Gideon was hiding in the cave when he saw an angel. The angel called him brave. He said for him to go boldly and save his people, the Israelites, from the hands of the Midianites. He said that the Lord was with him. He obeyed. He was victorious, and of all the fifteen men who ruled as Judges of Israel, Gideon, the fifth Judge, was the greatest, in courage, in wisdom, and in faith in God.
  • Joseph was told that his wife would be pregnant by the Holy Spirit. He was told that he had to stay with her. You know Joseph had a hard time with that one. He was obedient and Emmanuel – God with us, Jesus, was born into the world. Hallelujah!
  • Peter when asked to meet Jesus on the water is another example. I can just imagine his face LOL. “You want me to come out there?” “How?” (paraphrasing and emphasis mine) He was obedient and he walked on the water just like Jesus!
  • Ananias was asked by God to go to Saul aka Paul. Ananias had heard of Saul and he was hesitant. Sauls reputation as a murderer of those in The Way, or the Christians was well known. God told him that Saul was chosen by Him. He blinded Saul and wanted Ananias to go lay hands on him that he may regain his sight and also so he can be filled with the Holy Spirit. He was obedient.

There are many more throughout the bible. I want to show a history of how God deals with us. Obedience is absolutely necessary. Do not make mistakes about it.


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God told me to leave my salon. A salon that He gave me. He said that He was shifting me-closing that door and opening another. I did not understand at first. I understand now. My clients, some family and friends, didn’t understand, and probably still don’t. My answer to them is that I’m being obedient. He didn’t give them the vision, He gave it to me. So I can’t expect them to understand. That is the best way I can say it, because that’s the truth. There is a scripture in John where Jesus says to his disciples that you may not understand now but later you will. Isn’t it like that? We don’t always get it at first. Sometimes we do, other times we are left asking, “What’s going on?” Let us never lose sight that Gods ways are not our ways, nor His thoughts our thoughts. Although we must have the mind of Christ, our Father in Heaven is still way higher than anything we can imagine. We are limited but we serve a LIMITLESS God!

It is imperative to walk in faith. If we walk by sight we won’t move. We will be fearful because of what we see. Or what others may say. We would be fearful because our mind will tell us that we can’t make it. Or that it’s too uncomfortable. I thought I would be a hairstylist and then teach hair for the rest of my life.  I was ok with that. I love doing hair. God had a plan all along. The more I walk with Him, the more I gain understanding. Even allowing this cancer to hit my body. He allowed me to suffer. But I am thankful for this suffering. It has opened my eyes and brought me to a level that I never was prior to this. He never left me, but told me it’s a process I must go through and it will be for His Glory! I am still going through, but all is well. I am clay. I am on the Potter’s wheel.

I used to write when I was younger, and my mom was a writer, but she didn’t do anything with it. God told me the same gifts He gave her, He gave to me but greater and I will do something with mine, for HIS GLORY! Glory to God!!  As Believers, we know that God knows the plans that He has for us. He knows. Even if we don’t. Our position should just be, “Yes God!”, ” Yes to your will and yes to your way.” Now, in saying, “Yes”, we don’t know which way things are going to go. It’s a faith walk, regardless of what is happening. He says if we put Him first all other things will be added. I’m putting Him first and believing Him on His word. Whatever is in store for me will be good. No doubt about that. It has already started to manifest. I see it in the Spirit. I see so much in the Spirit now. I’m less attached to the world, more attached to Him. The visions I have received concerning my life are scary, because they are big. I have written down what I want (making it plain.) I know that they can only take place with God spearheading, going ahead of me and making my path straight. It takes me being obedient to His will and living my life the way He requires. There is no compromise with God.

The Anointing cost! 

Have you received a word that you don’t quite understand? Is there a decision for you to make? Don’t trust in anything or anyone more than God.

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We like to stay where it’s comfortable. But all progress takes place outside the comfort zone. You may have a dream or some desires that have not been fulfilled yet. Seek God. Trust Him. Walk in His ways. He is the one that gives us success. He is the one that causes us to be promoted. (Deuteronomy 8:18) His answers are yes, no and wait. His way is always better. Better than anything I could imagine. Our scope is so limited. We limited by what we see around us. He is a God that does not grow weary. He is an everlasting God. He sees the end from the beginning. There is comfort in that. There is comfort in knowing that the Creator of Heaven and Earth loves us so much. That He knows the number of hairs on our heads. He knows what we need. He says that He knows how to give good gifts to us. He can’t lie.

Trust Him.

 

Take the Mask off! I did.

As I sit here reflecting over my life, I am thankful to be alive and in my right mind. I was in such a dark place many times in my life. I had such a veil over my eyes. So much confusion. There were things that happened to me when I was younger that threw me in a tailspin and my life took off in crazy directions. How many can relate?

confusion

The Lord has been dealing with me about my testimony and being transparent. He wants me to share and help others. It is difficult to be completely open. It’s a vulnerable place. The court of public opinion is rough. I think about my family. The ones who don’t know it all. I think of my church members. Yes, everyone has a story. But most don’t tell it for the same reasons that I hesitated. I hesitated with the Lord. I speak boldly with Him. He says to come boldly to the throne and I do.
There are people who talk down on others, but they are doing the same thing. They may preach one message, yet live another. This is what Jesus was saying to the Pharisee. Don’t be a hypocrite.
Be real.
God sees you anyway.
The Lord always shines the light and exposes darkness. He did it with me and countless others. Yet it is to correct our behavior. He is a God of Mercy.

People are coming from all walks of life into the church. Don’t shun them or talk about them. God is calling them. We have to do better! People of God, we must show love. Not fake love either. (Matthew 7:20) Even babies know when you’re not being genuine. This is our commission. To love the Lord and love our neighbor. (Matthew 22:37-39)
I am a human being and I am not immune to these feelings. I am honest to admit them. I remember sharing a bit of my testimony with a sister and she teased me for weeks and called me the name I used when I was in my former life. I didn’t like that. I thought it was insensitive. She was fascinated with the story. I understand that but lets use some tact people. I share my story to show that God can save anyone. He saved Paul who was a murderer. He saved me and He can save you. He can change your life for the better. He did it for me. He can give you peace and joy in the midst of any storm. He is bigger than any circumstance that you may go through. I know this, because I’ve seen it in my life and testimonies of others.
He can save you while you are in church. Just being in the church building isn’t enough. Sometimes we are routinely going. Some people go and leave the same way with no changes taking place in their life. And if that’s you, then you’re missing the mark. You’re missing out on truly having an amazing relationship with God that produces much fruit!
I don’t have a heaven nor hell to put anyone in. And it seems to me that the words the Lord gives me to say can be bold. Even harsh. I tell you what–I’m more afraid of not doing what He tells me than how it’s received. Don’t get offended. But if you do, then I hope it’s offense that brings about action. I hope it brings you to your knees asking God to help you get back on track. I hope it makes you have a healthy fear of Him again. He is our GOD! our CREATOR! I am in such awe of HIM. He is a just God. He loves us, yes, but let’s not treat Him as if He is common. His thoughts are not our thoughts, nor His ways our ways. They’re greater.
I was in the world tough. I was a bisexual woman for many years before God delivered me. I danced, escorted then became a madam. This was all before I was saved. Then after being saved I had other trials. That’s for another post.
I wrote a book about my testimony, and will release it, in the coming months. It was a tough thing to write because it brought up so many emotions for me. There is a lot I buried, and just moved on from. I thank and praise God everyday and throughout the day. Literally, I do. He has changed my life. I am completely sold out to Him. What He did for me is nothing short of miraculous. Even through this cancer journey. so many blessings have come from it. I am transforming everyday. No longer a caterpillar!
monarch-butterfly-orange-flower
I didn’t know God. Yet He loved me. It was like a compass in my life leading me to Him.
I know that He is a forgiving God. The word says it and I’ve experienced it. I know that He is a powerful God, the word says it and I’ve seen His power demonstrated in my life. I know that He is a Deliverer, the word says it and I have experienced deliverance in many ways!
I know that He is a healer, because He has healed me: My heart, body and mind.

Strongholds are real. Demons are real.


Many people have strongholds, of one thing or another. It is a faulty thinking pattern based on lies and deception (2 Corinthians 10:5) Cast them down!
I truly understand the lure of the world. I understand the temptations of it. Sin is deceitful. Plain and simple. You think you can master it, but it masters you. I danced with the devil. I thought I could control everything. I had a rude awakening.
I thought that I was on my journey and would just continue on.
I’ve been saved and lets move on. No. The Lord started dealing with me about testimony and ALL of it. Whew Lord. That’s a tall order! He started last year with the testimony talk. Before my cancer diagnosis.
I remember my Bishop at church asked us for our testimony and I froze up. What would I write? What would I say? How could I tell them what I’ve done and who I’ve been? This is me being transparent. I thought all these things. I was asked to be apart of a testimony service by another sister for her church and I kept declining, citing work scheduling conflicts. Once I was diagnosed with cancer, I received prophetic words regarding it. It has not stopped. Dreams as well. Ok, Lord, I get it.

But Lord strengthen me, and take me to a place in you where I walk with boldness. That was my prayer.


You see, it’s not about me. It’s about God. I’m apart of His story not the other way around. I didn’t go through all I went through for nothing. The change of my mind is the biggest thing. My thoughts are different. My wants are different. You understand?
You, also, are apart of His story.
He wants us free. Truly free. There is freedom in Him.
No one can hold anything over my head because I’m free!
God is truly with me! The enemy wants me afraid. Wants me to stay quiet and feel ashamed. Oh no! I think not! I’ve been delivered and I’m more than a conqueror. Someone needs to know that! Someone out there needs my testimony. My book will be released and touch many around the world. I speak that and believe that.
I am not a preacher. I am a woman who has been saved by grace. A woman who has made a decision to trust and follow Jesus. A woman who has lived a lifestyle quite contrary to the one she lives now. I have wisdom and knowledge that I’ve gained from the streets and from the Lord! I know people.  I see people. That’s a blessing. God has increased my spiritual discernment and I see clearer than I ever have. I’m excited because there is so much more for me in the future.
I want to encourage you to stay on the Potters wheel.
Let the Lord continue to mold you. He knows who you are.  If you’re living a double life, stop faking in church. Go to God and repent and be delivered. There is so much He wants to show you. He wants to take you deeper in Him. But you cannot be a double minded person. You can’t be lukewarm, or else he says he will spit you out of his mouth (Revelation 3:14-22)
You are lukewarm if you say you are a christian, yet living as if you are not.
And I know it’s a process, but move forward with the process.
Take off the mask and be free!
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Silent Tears…

silent tears

Today I woke with tears in my eyes. Silent tears–There was no sound. No cry escaped my lips, yet the tears flowed freely. I miss my mom, more than anyone could possibly know. Internal pain and hurt. Sometimes pain can be so great that a sound won’t come through. It can be so great that you are in the room but not present. You have a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes. You search for an escape. Somewhere to run from “Are you ok?” and “What’s wrong?” You hear it, you want to answer, but knowing as soon as you start, your chest will heave and your shoulders will go slack and it will be over. All the silence is now so loud, it’s yelling at you like a bullhorn. The tears so loud, and fierce that you can’t catch your breath.

Your eyes look around quickly searching for an escape. You just want to be alone. Just a little time alone.  You feel no one understands. Who in your home understands?  They love you and want to comfort you. You appreciate the thoughtfulness of it all, but unable to receive at the moment. You must leave the room. The air is getting so thick. You can’t breathe in there. You need air.

“Help me Lord!” you say in your mind. You don’t trust yourself to speak. “I need your strength right now Jesus.” , “Your peace that surpasses all thought…”

You get up and walk out the room. The Lord leads you to a quiet place. No one follows you. They all stare as you walk out the room. You feel their eyes burning into your back. They love you. You understand. But you want them to understand that you need time. “This too shall pass. Just a moment,” you say to yourself. “Just give me a moment alone. ”

You are now in His presence. You sigh. A huge sigh of relief and release. You cry. You then notice the tears drying up. You feel the warmth of His hug. You smile. You actually smile! In the midst of! Glory to God! You know that He is with you. His peace starts to overflow. “There’s healing in your tears.” He says. “You are not alone, I am with you always.” You are over joyed! You know this already, but you understand we all need reminding. We need to hear, “I love you” It can be understood, and doesn’t have to be explained, but you still bask in the sound of those words.  His Spirit comforts you, and you start to feel normal again. You can actually have a conversation now without falling apart. You can go about your day.

Slowly your family comes to you–To your quiet place to check on you.  First, your youngest daughter. She says, “You thinking about grandma?” You nod. “It will be ok, mom.” and leans over, hugs you and kisses the top of your head. She retreats. After a few moments your husband comes out. He asks how you are doing. You are ok and have a brief conversation with him. Your husband leans over and gives you 3 kisses and a hug. He lingers there. You smile, and cherish that moment. Your spirits are connecting in that moment. It’s beautiful.


This was a brief synopsis of my morning.


Jesus is real. I know it, and I want others to know it. Even when I’m going through. Even with a loss of my mom, going through my breast cancer journey, and my dad currently in a cancer fight for his life. He’s real. Every now and then I will find tears in my eyes, with no words. God catches all my tears.


I write. I’ve kept journals since I was 14. Writing is such a major release for me. It’s therapeutic.  I aim to teach through my life experiences. I have much to share. The Lord has put this on my heart. Pressed it actually. I’ve had silent tears today about my mom, but I’ve had them in the past about my life. I’ve had them through molestation and rape. I’ve had them through divorce and starting my life over. Feeling like a failure. I’ve had them through pushing through when I just wanted to fall apart. Do you have silent tears? Do you have internal pain that you feel no one can understand? It’s not easy to share, is it? But sharing is therapeutic. Your testimony can and will help someone. We all share this human experience. There is nothing that you have gone through that someone else hasn’t. Nothing is new under the sun. I also understand that everyone can’t share. And that is ok. I am leaving the comfort of silence to speak. In my speaking, I want to show you Jesus. In my life, I want to show you Jesus. Look at me. You can see what He can do. The transformation power of His Glory! Hallelujah!

hallelujah


The Gift of Jesus!

You have so much joy because He gives you joy. Joy is not found in your circumstances. You look to Him. Circumstances change. Happiness is predicated on circumstances. You can be happy one second and sad the next. Joy is found in Jesus. Peace is based on what’s going on at that moment. But with Jesus, He gives you peace despite the conditions you find yourself in. Trust me. I know. I have so much experience with Him, and there is more to come. As long as I keep living.


John 14:27 “I am leaving you with a gift–peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.

 

 

XoXo

Tara