It wasn’t until I turned 40 that I became alive. Finding out I had breast cancer aided me in my self-discovery.
What I thought was self-love all my adult life turned out to be a woman going along to get along. Since I started writing my memoir in 2017, I’ve had to face some tough truths. Looking at the woman in the mirror is no easy feat.
In fact, even now at 43, I find myself cautious in ways that I would never have been in my twenties. Is that a good thing? Sure, it’s called maturity. Yet, I am speaking of being cautious when it comes to going after my dreams, and walking an unknown path.
Many times, I’ve stumbled and stopped based on feedback from those I love. I’ve come to realize they may not understand my journey. Some struggle with the calling on my life Heck, so do I.
Being called and chosen by God is not an easy undertaking. It requires a daily dying of self. Dying is painful. Dying says that I can’t retaliate when someone hurts me. It tells me to follow the scriptures, and live for God. Dying requires me to walk without knowing where these feet are leading me. In the same token, I can’t concern myself with others in a sense of allowing them to stumble me.
Each day I am discovering more about myself. You see, God saved me out of the world and a debased mindset in 2010. Since then, I have been on a rollercoaster ride, and a great awakening.
I knew God in theory, but now I know Him in an intimate way. We have a solid relationship. Through this relationship, I ‘ve learned to receive the love He has for me. In fact, I’ve learned to love myself, flaws and all. We are all a work in progress, but there should be some progress.
I have a voice and it’s powerful! I am somebody!
I often wonder where would I be had I never left home as a teenager. Everything I have endured brought me to this moment. Our lives are testimonies. My life is a testament to the goodness of God. I am a witness that He is faithful, and His mercy endures forever.
In the past, I would latch on to people because of my past. I didn’t feel I deserved true love because of the things that I did. I messed up so much. I allowed men to use my body. I thought it was a testament to my power that they wanted me, but it was actually low self-esteem.
My amazing discovery was loving myself. The quirky side, the serious side, the sensual side, the nerdy side, the dreamer and visionary, and more.
I know that my life is a sum of decisions that I made. The Lord weaved Himself in it and told me He called and chose me for His Glory. He then shifted my path and allowed me to go through different trials which strengthens my faith.
I know who I am and how to love, not only me, but others. This is an amazing discovery!
I want to help others discover themselves and their self-worth. It doesn’t matter what you did. What matters is what you’ve learned, and where do you go from here? I am not my mistakes! Through my journey, you will see bravery, authenticity, and an overcomer to the Glory of God!
Writing my memoir, “Everybody Kneeling ain’t Praying” was difficult. I confronted issues that I preferred to keep hiding away. It was in pure obedience that I am sharing my story. The word says that we are overcomers by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony.
And so I forge ahead, with the Lord leading me. This feels like a journal entry LOL. Oh well. I have embraced this side as well. I am a writer, and have been since a child.
My contributions count.
I’m excited for more amazing discoveries as I continue on my journey. Thanks for reading and God bless you.
If you want to read more of my musings or get information about my book release:
Hi everyone and bless you. I was in prayer this morning, (10/31/2019) praising God and sitting quietly before Him when He gave me a word to release:
Write these words my daughter. I am coming soon and my reward is with me. Don’t be dismayed. Don’t fret. Hearken to my voice. Stay in my word. The world is changing rapidly, but I haven’t changed. I am the same forever. There are those wishing to change the times, seasons and even my word. Hold fast to what you know. Hold fast on what I’ve shown you. Don’t believe the counterfeit. He is coming. Don’t fall by the wayside. Stay strong in faith. Those in the valley of decision, choose a side.
I will spit lukewarm out of my mouth. I desire faith. What will I find when I come? Will I find faith? Go forth in the assignments I’ve given you. The world is waiting. My sons and daughters are being revealed. Those hidden are coming out. Harvest is here. Revival is here. Greater than you’ve ever seen. Miracle, signs and wonders .
Greater works will my people do. They will speak and mountains will move. I’m calling them forth. Dreams. I’m pouring out my Spirit. Children seek me with your dreams. I desire to speak with you. Turn off the noise.
Great deception is coming upon your land. Stand firm. Stay close to me. I will tell you truth.
The slight of the eye. Like a magic trick. To fool the masses. I am forewarning you. Don’t believe it. Don’t follow man. Follow me. Only the strong in faith will survive what will come. Even my elect will be fooled. Your desires aren’t my desires. Don’t idolize man. Look to me. I am your help. Call on me and I will answer
End of word
Bless you all
Your sister in the faith
Scriptures for reference
“And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be.”
Revelation 22:12 KJV
“And Joshua said unto them, Fear not, nor be dismayed, be strong and of good courage: for thus shall the Lord do to all your enemies against whom ye fight.”
Joshua 10:25 KJV
“And he shall speak great words against the most High, and shall wear out the saints of the most High, and think to change times and laws: and they shall be given into his hand until a time and times and the dividing of time.”
Daniel 7:25 KJV
“Multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision: for the day of the Lord is near in the valley of decision.”
Joel 3:14 KJV
“For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God.”
Romans 8:19 KJV
“Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.”
John 14:12 KJV
“Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition;”
2 Thessalonians 2:3 KJV
“And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.”
Have you ever wondered, if Jesus was still on the throne?
This is October and has been designated breast cancer awareness month. I am a 2 year survivor and thankful. I think daily of my deliverance from cancer and the new eyes that it has given me. I have a new respect for life.
When I did a self-breast check in my shower in 2016, I felt a lump and was instantly alarmed. I did get checked and further test revealed that cancer was indeed present I my breast. During surgery it was discovered that not only was it in my breast but it had invaded the lymph nodes under my arm. I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. The surgeon was confident that he removed all of the tumor, but not that there weren’t active cancer cells floating about in my body, hence Chemotherapy was proposed to me, and after that, Radiation therapy. I was confused and scared. I had received a word that I would not die, that this wasn’t unto death, but that I had to go through with it. Did I want to? Oh no. I cried and I prayed to God, Please take this away. I don’t want cancer Lord. I don’t want this trial. It’s too hard. I’m scared. All of that and more was coming out of my mouth and on my heart. The Lord, being the good father He is, comforted me. He sent me words of comfort through others, and the presence of Himself which was and is amazing
Cancer kills people every day. It has not political affiliation, no gender or race target; It gets everyone. Your finances are not a factor. Millionaires die of cancer also. Cancer is a pestilence and the bible speaks in Matthew 24 of pestilences in various places. Even through cancer sickness and death, has Jesus stepped off the throne? No. We don’t understand the many trials and tribulations that we encounter, and knowing that others are going through the same doesn’t always make us feel better. We don’t want to go through anything life threatening. Who would choose if they had a choice? I wouldn’t. If I had a choice, my parents would still be alive, my friends, my cousin…my body wouldn’t have been attacked by the disease of cancer.
Everything that befalls us is not Gods will. God is good! We are in a fallen world, with a fallen nature. Sin is rampant. Food, water, and the air is polluted. We have a very real enemy that wants to take our lives by any means at his disposal.
We don’t know when our days are up, but we know our life is in God’s hands. We know that there are appointed times of everything as it says in Ecclesiastes.
Do we get angry with the Lord for the trials that befall us? Why me Lord? Then the infamous saying of “Why not you” comes behind it.
My mindset was most important during this time. I realized that I could let anger and depression set in. I was not a foreigner to these emotions. I suffered depression in the past, and was even medicated for it. The time of my cancer diagnosis, I lost my mother suddenly and my dad soon after. My finances were in disarray.
Now who would chose that? I made a decision to trust God. I could have stayed in my head, crying and wallowing in my misery being alive for all intent and purposes but dead inside. Dead because many days I would be moving through the days with no life. Just walking through making the appropriate responses, but having no joy or peace. The Lord didn’t say that we wouldn’t be without trials, in fact He specifically said that we would be. However, He also said that He would be with us and never leave us. (John 16:33| Deuteronomy 31:8)
Jesus is still on the throne; He hasn’t lost His power. We aren’t here for nothing. There is purpose in us all. He chose us before the foundation of the world. Our life is to bring Him glory; we are His witnesses. Even through trials we show that He is real. These last 2 years were difficult but they catapulted me in my faith and trust in my God. They took me to higher heights and deeper depths knowing that I could only depend on God.
I am encouraging you today that no matter what the situation is, look to the hills where your help comes from. We have seasons of quiet and peace, but there are also ones of turmoil and pain. What do we learn during those times? Do we self-reflect? Are we spending it saying why me Lord. Questions are ok, but move on to thought provoking self-reflection. Think on the Lord and His word. What does it say; what is He trying to accomplish through you.
We tend to think of ourselves as single entities apart from others but we are all intrinsically connected. I’ve learned that one person can affect many. We’ve seen it throughout history; one person can bring change. Our position of faith can encourage others. Even if our external situations aren’t changed right away, know that God is still there. Many things didn’t go bad overnight, nor will He always change them for the better overnight. Can you trust Him in the middle?
They’re lessons to be learned in the process. Whether it’s sickness, finances, unruly children, marital problems, etc. Allow God to be God, and stay in position of prayer, love, trust and complete dependency on Him. The enemy is counting on us walking by sight, and not faith and he makes sure we see and focus on the external. God is concerned about our internal. He changes people from the inside out. He’s concerned about our heart.
Jesus is still on the throne. He is in power regardless of what external situations may say. Let your heart not be troubled. The Lord says to believe in Him. True belief is a position. It’s a determined place; a mindset, a choice. Its faith, and it doesn’t waiver because of external circumstances. We will never know everything God is doing, and that is where the uncomfortable part comes in. Even in receiving a word, He reveals by and by, even prophets know in part.
Imagine yourself closing your eyes and falling backwards. You don’t know if someone will catch you or not. The thought is uncomfortable at the very least. But this is how we live every day. Every day we are falling backwards throwing caution to the wind, trusting and knowing that our God will catch us. With this reassurance in Him, we can stand the torrential rains and winds that befall us. We have each other to lean on, and our Lord who will never leave or forsake us. Don’t walk around sad because of external circumstances. The best thing we can do for anyone is to pray for them and trust that God will handle the situation. We aren’t God, and I remind myself of that regularly when I interfere too much in what He’s doing in my family’s life. It hurts to be a bystander and watch them go through, but it will be for their good, and ours.
Jesus is still on the throne, and we must never forget that. When we look at the world, and all that the enemy is doing we tend to glorify him instead of Jesus. We talk so much about what he is doing and he loves it. He isn’t bigger than Jesus. The word says darkness would rise, but our light, individually and collectively will shine even brighter. We shine when we don’t hide our lamps. Instead, we sit on the hilltop for all to see, and that isn’t based on circumstances. We shine despite circumstances to show who our God is and what He can do. We shine in a world of darkness, sickness, violence and turmoil. We shine because Jesus is real and He chose us.
We accepted his call. We belong to him and we trust the path that he has set for us. We shine being a living witness of the realness of our Lord and Savior as those we love, and some we don’t even know reject him in the world. The world is changing, many keep saying that, but understand that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. The world lowers it standards, but God hasn’t’.
Throughout biblical history there has always been a remnant of those in the world who take God at his word regardless of the changing times. Even still, our position is that of love and compassion, yet a firm foundation and holding on to truth.
Stay strong and be quick to give a response to what you believe. Hold fast to what you’ve learned and witnessed with your own experiences and those around you. Jesus is still on the throne!
Prophetic Word given by the Lord to myfriend and sister in Christ Prophetess Wanda
March 12, 2019
Don’t be blinded by your will and miss my will. Always seek me to see if it’s of me because the very elect can be deceive. Many of my people are being fooled. They think it’s me but its not its them that making it happen for themselves and they will have to continue to make it happen. Always seek me and stop ignoring the signs. Tell my people to listen and I will lead then in the path I have set for them. Stop lending to your own understanding . Some of my people had stop seeking me.
For that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first. Just dont let it be you. I’m calling my people some responding some not. I’m telling you and sending my word and tell them to stay prepared. The devil dont give warnings. I’m Just in all my ways. Be caution of the false prophets and pastors. Remember everyone that say Lord, Lord I done this in your name and I will say Depart from me I never knew you. Submit and obey them who watch for your soul. Remember the antichrist will do many wonders(Matthew 24:24) but not by my power. We will know the difference bc of the fruit they will bear. They will have so much pride and a haughty spirit but many will miss it because of the wonders. Stay connect to me and I will show you who is of me and who is not!
The Lord spoke to me on March 29, 2019 and told me to release this word:
Tell my people the great awakening is here. They will know I am their Father and they are my children. They will know to come to me in all things. I want them to stay in my presence and I will keep them from the trial that will try this earth. Stay with me. I will protect them even in the midst. They will not be harmed. Stay with me. Don’t believe the lies of the enemy. He is trying very hard to deceive my people. My remnant must rise up. Get in Position. There is work to do. Your light must shine. My true believers. I will confirm your way with miracles, signs, and wonders. Speak what I say to speak. Your words will not fall to the ground.
I am coming soon and my reward is with me. Stay awake. Watch and pray. I am watching you all. Stay awake. Watch and pray. I must be above all in your life. My voice must be the one who has the final say. My will must be done. My will WILL be done. Daughters rise up – Sons rise up, in holiness. Show and live a life pleasing to me.
I am sending a strong delusion and if you’re not in position you will believe the lie. You will believe the deception coming upon the earth. Seek me while I can still be found. I am here. I am watching.
Seek the kingdom and it’s righteousness and all the things you need will be added to you. I’m searching hearts. I am coming soon. I will not delay and my reward is with me. Stay ready. Don’t let your oil run out.
There is a great awakening, a great revival coming.
I am with you wherever you go till the end of time. Yeshua is speaking.
Scriptures for reference:
2 Thessalonians 2:10-12 King James Version (KJV)
10 And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved.
11 And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:
12 That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.
Mark 16:20 King James Version (KJV)
20 And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following. Amen.
Revelation 22:12 King James Version (KJV)
12 And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be.
Isaiah 55:6 King James Version (KJV)
6 Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:
Zechariah 1:3 King James Version (KJV)
3 Therefore say thou unto them, Thus saith the Lord of hosts; Turn ye unto me, saith the Lord of hosts, and I will turn unto you, saith the Lord of hosts.
Romans 13:11 King James Version (KJV)
11 And that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed.
Matthew 28:20 King James Version (KJV)
20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.
Romans 11:5 King James Version (KJV)
5 Even so then at this present time also there is a remnant according to the election of grace.
Isaiah 44:26 (a) King James Version (KJV)
26 That confirmeth the word of his servant, and performeth the counsel of his messengers;