Tag Archives: faith in god

Take the Mask off! I did.

As I sit here reflecting over my life, I am thankful to be alive and in my right mind. I was in such a dark place many times in my life. I had such a veil over my eyes. So much confusion. There were things that happened to me when I was younger that threw me in a tailspin and my life took off in crazy directions. How many can relate?

confusion

The Lord has been dealing with me about my testimony and being transparent. He wants me to share and help others. It is difficult to be completely open. It’s a vulnerable place. The court of public opinion is rough. I think about my family. The ones who don’t know it all. I think of my church members. Yes, everyone has a story. But most don’t tell it for the same reasons that I hesitated. I hesitated with the Lord. I speak boldly with Him. He says to come boldly to the throne and I do.
There are people who talk down on others, but they are doing the same thing. They may preach one message, yet live another. This is what Jesus was saying to the Pharisee. Don’t be a hypocrite.
Be real.
God sees you anyway.
The Lord always shines the light and exposes darkness. He did it with me and countless others. Yet it is to correct our behavior. He is a God of Mercy.

People are coming from all walks of life into the church. Don’t shun them or talk about them. God is calling them. We have to do better! People of God, we must show love. Not fake love either. (Matthew 7:20) Even babies know when you’re not being genuine. This is our commission. To love the Lord and love our neighbor. (Matthew 22:37-39)
I am a human being and I am not immune to these feelings. I am honest to admit them. I remember sharing a bit of my testimony with a sister and she teased me for weeks and called me the name I used when I was in my former life. I didn’t like that. I thought it was insensitive. She was fascinated with the story. I understand that but lets use some tact people. I share my story to show that God can save anyone. He saved Paul who was a murderer. He saved me and He can save you. He can change your life for the better. He did it for me. He can give you peace and joy in the midst of any storm. He is bigger than any circumstance that you may go through. I know this, because I’ve seen it in my life and testimonies of others.
He can save you while you are in church. Just being in the church building isn’t enough. Sometimes we are routinely going. Some people go and leave the same way with no changes taking place in their life. And if that’s you, then you’re missing the mark. You’re missing out on truly having an amazing relationship with God that produces much fruit!
I don’t have a heaven nor hell to put anyone in. And it seems to me that the words the Lord gives me to say can be bold. Even harsh. I tell you what–I’m more afraid of not doing what He tells me than how it’s received. Don’t get offended. But if you do, then I hope it’s offense that brings about action. I hope it brings you to your knees asking God to help you get back on track. I hope it makes you have a healthy fear of Him again. He is our GOD! our CREATOR! I am in such awe of HIM. He is a just God. He loves us, yes, but let’s not treat Him as if He is common. His thoughts are not our thoughts, nor His ways our ways. They’re greater.
I was in the world tough. I was a bisexual woman for many years before God delivered me. I danced, escorted then became a madam. This was all before I was saved. Then after being saved I had other trials. That’s for another post.
I wrote a book about my testimony, and will release it, in the coming months. It was a tough thing to write because it brought up so many emotions for me. There is a lot I buried, and just moved on from. I thank and praise God everyday and throughout the day. Literally, I do. He has changed my life. I am completely sold out to Him. What He did for me is nothing short of miraculous. Even through this cancer journey. so many blessings have come from it. I am transforming everyday. No longer a caterpillar!
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I didn’t know God. Yet He loved me. It was like a compass in my life leading me to Him.
I know that He is a forgiving God. The word says it and I’ve experienced it. I know that He is a powerful God, the word says it and I’ve seen His power demonstrated in my life. I know that He is a Deliverer, the word says it and I have experienced deliverance in many ways!
I know that He is a healer, because He has healed me: My heart, body and mind.

Strongholds are real. Demons are real.


Many people have strongholds, of one thing or another. It is a faulty thinking pattern based on lies and deception (2 Corinthians 10:5) Cast them down!
I truly understand the lure of the world. I understand the temptations of it. Sin is deceitful. Plain and simple. You think you can master it, but it masters you. I danced with the devil. I thought I could control everything. I had a rude awakening.
I thought that I was on my journey and would just continue on.
I’ve been saved and lets move on. No. The Lord started dealing with me about testimony and ALL of it. Whew Lord. That’s a tall order! He started last year with the testimony talk. Before my cancer diagnosis.
I remember my Bishop at church asked us for our testimony and I froze up. What would I write? What would I say? How could I tell them what I’ve done and who I’ve been? This is me being transparent. I thought all these things. I was asked to be apart of a testimony service by another sister for her church and I kept declining, citing work scheduling conflicts. Once I was diagnosed with cancer, I received prophetic words regarding it. It has not stopped. Dreams as well. Ok, Lord, I get it.

But Lord strengthen me, and take me to a place in you where I walk with boldness. That was my prayer.


You see, it’s not about me. It’s about God. I’m apart of His story not the other way around. I didn’t go through all I went through for nothing. The change of my mind is the biggest thing. My thoughts are different. My wants are different. You understand?
You, also, are apart of His story.
He wants us free. Truly free. There is freedom in Him.
No one can hold anything over my head because I’m free!
God is truly with me! The enemy wants me afraid. Wants me to stay quiet and feel ashamed. Oh no! I think not! I’ve been delivered and I’m more than a conqueror. Someone needs to know that! Someone out there needs my testimony. My book will be released and touch many around the world. I speak that and believe that.
I am not a preacher. I am a woman who has been saved by grace. A woman who has made a decision to trust and follow Jesus. A woman who has lived a lifestyle quite contrary to the one she lives now. I have wisdom and knowledge that I’ve gained from the streets and from the Lord! I know people.  I see people. That’s a blessing. God has increased my spiritual discernment and I see clearer than I ever have. I’m excited because there is so much more for me in the future.
I want to encourage you to stay on the Potters wheel.
Let the Lord continue to mold you. He knows who you are.  If you’re living a double life, stop faking in church. Go to God and repent and be delivered. There is so much He wants to show you. He wants to take you deeper in Him. But you cannot be a double minded person. You can’t be lukewarm, or else he says he will spit you out of his mouth (Revelation 3:14-22)
You are lukewarm if you say you are a christian, yet living as if you are not.
And I know it’s a process, but move forward with the process.
Take off the mask and be free!
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Silent Tears…

silent tears

Today I woke with tears in my eyes. Silent tears–There was no sound. No cry escaped my lips, yet the tears flowed freely. I miss my mom, more than anyone could possibly know. Internal pain and hurt. Sometimes pain can be so great that a sound won’t come through. It can be so great that you are in the room but not present. You have a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes. You search for an escape. Somewhere to run from “Are you ok?” and “What’s wrong?” You hear it, you want to answer, but knowing as soon as you start, your chest will heave and your shoulders will go slack and it will be over. All the silence is now so loud, it’s yelling at you like a bullhorn. The tears so loud, and fierce that you can’t catch your breath.

Your eyes look around quickly searching for an escape. You just want to be alone. Just a little time alone.  You feel no one understands. Who in your home understands?  They love you and want to comfort you. You appreciate the thoughtfulness of it all, but unable to receive at the moment. You must leave the room. The air is getting so thick. You can’t breathe in there. You need air.

“Help me Lord!” you say in your mind. You don’t trust yourself to speak. “I need your strength right now Jesus.” , “Your peace that surpasses all thought…”

You get up and walk out the room. The Lord leads you to a quiet place. No one follows you. They all stare as you walk out the room. You feel their eyes burning into your back. They love you. You understand. But you want them to understand that you need time. “This too shall pass. Just a moment,” you say to yourself. “Just give me a moment alone. ”

You are now in His presence. You sigh. A huge sigh of relief and release. You cry. You then notice the tears drying up. You feel the warmth of His hug. You smile. You actually smile! In the midst of! Glory to God! You know that He is with you. His peace starts to overflow. “There’s healing in your tears.” He says. “You are not alone, I am with you always.” You are over joyed! You know this already, but you understand we all need reminding. We need to hear, “I love you” It can be understood, and doesn’t have to be explained, but you still bask in the sound of those words.  His Spirit comforts you, and you start to feel normal again. You can actually have a conversation now without falling apart. You can go about your day.

Slowly your family comes to you–To your quiet place to check on you.  First, your youngest daughter. She says, “You thinking about grandma?” You nod. “It will be ok, mom.” and leans over, hugs you and kisses the top of your head. She retreats. After a few moments your husband comes out. He asks how you are doing. You are ok and have a brief conversation with him. Your husband leans over and gives you 3 kisses and a hug. He lingers there. You smile, and cherish that moment. Your spirits are connecting in that moment. It’s beautiful.


This was a brief synopsis of my morning.


Jesus is real. I know it, and I want others to know it. Even when I’m going through. Even with a loss of my mom, going through my breast cancer journey, and my dad currently in a cancer fight for his life. He’s real. Every now and then I will find tears in my eyes, with no words. God catches all my tears.


I write. I’ve kept journals since I was 14. Writing is such a major release for me. It’s therapeutic.  I aim to teach through my life experiences. I have much to share. The Lord has put this on my heart. Pressed it actually. I’ve had silent tears today about my mom, but I’ve had them in the past about my life. I’ve had them through molestation and rape. I’ve had them through divorce and starting my life over. Feeling like a failure. I’ve had them through pushing through when I just wanted to fall apart. Do you have silent tears? Do you have internal pain that you feel no one can understand? It’s not easy to share, is it? But sharing is therapeutic. Your testimony can and will help someone. We all share this human experience. There is nothing that you have gone through that someone else hasn’t. Nothing is new under the sun. I also understand that everyone can’t share. And that is ok. I am leaving the comfort of silence to speak. In my speaking, I want to show you Jesus. In my life, I want to show you Jesus. Look at me. You can see what He can do. The transformation power of His Glory! Hallelujah!

hallelujah


The Gift of Jesus!

You have so much joy because He gives you joy. Joy is not found in your circumstances. You look to Him. Circumstances change. Happiness is predicated on circumstances. You can be happy one second and sad the next. Joy is found in Jesus. Peace is based on what’s going on at that moment. But with Jesus, He gives you peace despite the conditions you find yourself in. Trust me. I know. I have so much experience with Him, and there is more to come. As long as I keep living.


John 14:27 “I am leaving you with a gift–peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.

 

 

XoXo

Tara

 

It’s Enough!

 

2 Corinthians 12:9 AMP “but He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you [My loving kindness and My mercy are more than enough–always available–regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me.”

As Believers, sometimes we feel that we are not enough, or aren’t doing enough. Don’t let us mess up, this leads to feelings of unworthiness. I’ve felt this way before and I thank God for helping me to see who I am and His love for me. We won’t always get it right. If you are experiencing this, do not isolate yourself. The enemy wants you to do that.
God says His grace is sufficient for us. That means it’s enough for us.
He is enough for us! We don’t need to have it all the way figured out. We have Jesus! That is good news. This good work that He started in us won’t be completed until Jesus comes back, as it says in Philippians 1:6.

We don’t have to beat ourselves up. He is enough! He fills in the gaps!

Let God show Himself in your life by understanding your weaknesses and bragging about His strength! Brag on Jesus! It doesn’t matter what situation you find yourself in. Where we are weak, He is strong. The Lord wants us to depend on Him and seek Him daily. He wants us to put Him first, knowing He is enough. I can’t stress that too much. Don’t walk around defeated. The enemy is defeated. Not you!

His love is enough! His mercy is enough! His kindness is enough!

Our Heavenly Father loves you with an everlasting love! Sometimes it’s hard to receive because you aren’t used to it, but slowly as you continue, day by day to trust Him with the 1 day, each day becomes easier. Trust Him with your 1 day. That means to take it day by day.
 You may have some vices you need to work out. The wonderful thing about submission to God is that He cleans you up. You can’t be too filthy. (However, don’t just stay in a place of willful sin. That isn’t what I am saying)
I use to believe that I was too messed up for the Lord to save and forgive, yet He forgave me. He saved me out of my mess. And some of my mess I was still doing after being saved, such as smoking marijuana and regularly drinking. I went back and forth with it, thinking I could control it or that God knows my heart so it’s ok. The Lord showed me that He didn’t want that. He showed me that they were strongholds. (I will discuss those in a separate post)
Glory to God because of His Love, and Mercy. It took longer for me to release myself from my past. I eventually forgave myself, and started walking in confidence.
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I believe the word when it says, If God is for me, who can be against me? (Romans 8:31)
Walk in that. Know it and believe it. Get it deep down in you. Once you realize who you are and who God is, you will not walk around condemned and defeated. You will not be a slave to your vices. You will be empowered. You will trust that God will perfect that which concerns you. (Psalms 138:8)
Don’t trust in anything more than God. Don’t love anything more than God. Don’t put anything before God. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will set your path straight. (Proverbs 3:6)
What the Lord has laid on my heart is His love for His children.

I wrote a prayer but add whatever you want to surrender to Him ok? Pray this out loud:
Heavenly Father, today I surrender my problems to you. I surrender my children, my job, my health, my husband, my car, my mind, my emotions, my life and my way! I surrender it all to you Father. I want your will to be done in my life. I say Yes to your will and yes to your way! I pray in the name of Jesus that you will go before me this day and set my path straight. Where I am weak you are strong. Show yourself to me today Father! Show your strength in my life, in the name of Jesus. You say in your word that you will teach me the ways of wisdom and lead me in straight paths. I’m standing on your word and believing you. You lead and I will follow trusting that you will never leave me or forsake me. Today, I will shift the atmosphere wherever I go because He who is in me is greater than He who is in the world.  I pray in the name of Jesus that my light shines ever so brightly and I show love. I thank you for striving with me. I thank you for your grace and your mercies that are new everyday. Thank you Lord and I give you the glory, honor and all the praise. Amen

This is a daily walk but literally take it day by day.
One day at a time. Trusting God this day. Taking up your cross this day. Leaning on Him this day.
Tomorrow will have its own worries. (Matthew 6:34)
Be blessed

The “C” Word

What word comes to mind for you?

In my life right now, the word, Cancer comes to mind. It’s what I have been dealing with since I received the call in December of 2016 confirming my diagnosis after mammograms, ultrasounds and biopsies. Cancer sucks, by the way.

A double mastectomy with lymph node axillary dissection followed in January of 2017.

Stage 3 Metastatic Breast Cancer was the official diagnosis when it was all said and done.

Another C word that accurately describes my feelings after receiving the news was, confused.  I was unable to think clearly. Quite bewildered. How could I have cancer? Why do I have cancer? So many questions came to my mind. Things were going so well for me in my personal and professional life. I had school set to start January 3, 2017. I didn’t understand. I had lost my mom June of 2016 and was learning to deal with that. I was not comprehending why all of this was taking place. “I must be really strong Lord, ” I would say to God.

Confession. I had to accept my reality. I would not speak on it at first. I chose to tell a select few. Speaking of it made it more real; however, I had to accept the facts, and make appropriate adjustments to my life. Confession. I started speaking the word of God over myself. The word says, “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16)
I believe God. I believed that He would heal me.

Comforting. This word describes the feeling I had after starting to rest in the Lord. Not rest in sleep or lying down, but in trusting God 100% with what was going on, depending on Him for all my needs. Rest from worry. Initially, I was reading everything I could get my hands on, and every google article. I was hungry for more information and also testimonies of others in a similar situation. Comforted also, by my family and friends who kept me lifted in prayer.

comfort

Courageous! Going through this journey has unlocked an inner strength that I didn’t know was there. I’ve been a strong woman all my life. I have tackled many things and overcome many obstacles. Yet this was my strongest one yet. This is not for the faint of heart. It’s so important to keep your mind positive in a bleak situation. It’s important to have positive people around you.

Throughout my cancer journey, I’ve learned to enjoy my day to day. Tomorrow is not promised. Heck, the next hour isn’t promised. I keep my eyes on the Lord. I spend more time with Him. I spend more time with my family. I see life with new eyes. It’s precious. Time should not be wasted. I see that I am completely dependent on God. We say that, but when it’s tested, you become acutely aware of it’s authenticity.

I have a disease that is killing people everyday. This fact does not go unnoticed by me. I have a great team of doctors, but the Lord is my healer. He told me that this was not unto death for me. Yet, He said that this was a process that I would have to go through and it would not be pleasant. Whatever I go through, as long as He is with me I can do it. I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

I thought I would be done after Chemotherapy, but, no I had to do Radiation. My scans were clear and for all intent and purposes I am “cancer free”, yet I am not done with my treatments. I prayed countless times for an answer. I didn’t want to do it.  The Lord would not remove this from me. I asked Him too. As He told Paul, His Grace is sufficient for me. (2 Corinthians 12:9) I thank God for Grace. What I have come to understand in my quiet times with the Lord, that I need to complete the entire process. I am not to rush it along. I am not to rush back to work. I am to be obedient. When I am feeling a little better, I tend to become quite busy. That is not what He wants.

Lymphedema is what I am currently dealing with in my right arm and hand. It causes daily swelling and pain. This is preventing me from working in my profession as a Hairdresser. You know I said, “Really, Lord?” with a smile, and a shaking of my head. “I get it.”

we can make our plans but the Lord determines our steps

We make plans. But God has His own plans. His are so much better. What an interesting journey this has been. I am still in the midst of it. The doctors told me at the beginning of January to dedicate 1 full year to this process, and I keep trying to interrupt it. The Lord also wants me to dedicate this time to Him, as He develops me spiritually. I will do hair again. I am not sure in what capacity, but I do not feel that it’s over. I do not want to work as hard as I was. I won’t be behind the chair all day. I do know that. I often overworked myself.  I have a love for hair and a passion to helping women look their best. When you look good you feel good.

The other passion of mine is teaching. Through my writings I am able to teach and it feels amazing.  I write daily. I can’t hold a pen too good for a long period of time, so I don’t write in my journals, I type instead in a notepad. I’m writing blog posts, in addition to another book. You have no idea how exciting this is for me. I have enjoyed writing even as a child.

Content. I am in a state of peaceful happiness. Yes, my life was turned upside down. Finances changed dramatically and body modified, yet my joy is still here. I find joy in the Lord, so even though life happens, I am able to have joy and peace. Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him (Job 13:15)

God is a keeperPsalms 121-5

There is still more ahead and I am excited, because the Lord has something wonderful in store for me. (Jeremiah 29:11 and 1 Corinthians 2:9) It’s already miraculous. I am healed! That’s God! I am not without problems and never want it to come across as that. I have daily struggles as you do. I have upsets and frustrations. I allow myself to feel whatever I need to in that moment. I am a firm believer in allowing yourself to feel; however, do not stay in a negative place. Keep it moving. And deal with each day as it comes. Deal with today, and tomorrow when it comes, as it says in Matthew 6:34, it will have it’s own troubles.

To commune with Him and hear Him speaking to me blows my mind! To have gifts revealed to me and confirmed is astounding! I have witnessed much during this time. This is something that I cannot put into words for you guys on this post. Not yet. I am gaining a great relationship. A meaningful one that has changed my life forever. Jesus is real. He is alive and on the throne. He loves us. He truly does.

Seek Him! While He still may be found.

I welcome comments.

Share how you cope with your trials. Maybe you can add to the “c” words?

Be Blessed.

Proverbs 3:5-6New Living Translation (NLT)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take.

 

 

 

 

 

When your reality conflicts with what God said…

How many of you are in a transitional phase of your life? You’ve received a word from the Lord and you are waiting for it to manifest.  The reality of your situation is not lining up to what was spoken.

You’re waiting on God, but my question is: How are you waiting? 

wait for god

Let’s consider, two examples:

God spoke a word to Abraham that He will bless his seed with land. He said that all the families on earth would be blessed through him. He told Abraham that he could count the stars in the sky and that’s how many descendants he would have. Abraham and his wife, Sarah, were wondering how when they didn’t even have a son to begin with. Also, he and his wife were very old, well past child bearing age. Abraham’s reality didn’t line up to what God said. God’s word came to pass. Abraham was 100 when Isaac was born. Even though, He didn’t understand how. He believed God and it was counted as righteousness. However, there is a twist. Abraham and Sarah moved ahead of the Lord and made different plans. they believed what He said, but thought they would help Him. You see, they didn’t have a seed. So Sarah told Abraham to sleep with Hagar, her maidservant and have a child. He did. And Ishmael was born. Even though Abraham now had a son, he was not the son that God promised. Isaac was the promised seed. God’s word still came to pass. Read the account at Genesis 18-21.

This is a very relatable story and a prime example of reality not lining up to what God said. But with patience, and standing still we will see God come through. He knows the plans that He has towards us.

Let’s also look a the Israelites in the wilderness. The Lord had just rescued them from Egypt.

The Lord told the the Israelites that He will give them Canaan as the Promised Land. Read the account here at Numbers 13-14. He freed them from Egypt and they were witnesses to many miraculous signs and wonders. They saw His glory in Egypt and the wilderness. He went before them as a pillar of a cloud in the day and a pillar of fire at night.

pillar of fire

The Lord said for Moses to send out 12 leaders from each tribe to spy out the land of Canaan. They went and spied on the land for 40 days. They came back with conflicting reports. 10 of the leaders thought the land was impossible for the Israelites to capture. They saw the men in Canaan as being too powerful for them to overcome. Two of the leaders thought it was very possible because God was on their side. They all received the same word, but saw the situation differently. You know what the difference was? It was their faith. Their trust in God. Who believed His word? They all received it. But who believed it? It was only 2 of them, Joshua and Caleb who said that they could, “certainly conquer it.” They told the people not to be afraid because the Lord was with them. That is what faith looks like. The situation may appear to be impossible. It may look quite bleak, but if the Lord speaks a word you can count on it.

God sent His word forth.

What do we know about the word of the Lord? We know that it says in Isaiah 55:11, that His word will not return to Him void and will set out to accomplish the purpose for which it was sent. This means when God speaks a word to us, we can believe it.

The problem comes when we are looking at our circumstances. Our reality and day to day isn’t lining up with what God said because what He said hasn’t manifest in the natural yet.  The reality is conflicting to what was spoken. This requires great faith. It requires us walking by faith and not sight.

I will share 4 ways that can help you to walk by faith:

  1. Read the examples in the bible. The word of God is full of examples of men and women getting a word from God and seeing it manifest. In some cases it happened right away and others it didn’t. Read examples such as Abraham and Sarah with the promised seed, Mary with the promise of giving birth to Jesus, Noah with the promise of a flood, Joshua with a dream that came to pass, and David who was anointed as king, but it didn’t manifest until he was an adult. They are among many others.

  2. Look at what God has already done for you. God is working on our behalf daily. It’s important to recall what He has done for you. If you get stuck, while you are waiting on a word to manifest, think back to the things that happened in the past. think about your experience with God. Did you have an answered prayer? Did He heal you? Did He wipe out a bill for you? Did He give you favor in a particular situation? God does things in such a way that you cannot deny that it was Him. He will not let you boast on yourself or give His glory to another. You know the things that He has done. Keep those in your mind. If He has done it before, He will do it again.

  3. Listen to testimonies. You have your own testimonies and that is what I was speaking of in number two. But, also, the testimony of others can truly build your faith. It shows you that you are not alone in things that you go through. It also shows you that God is still moving. He is moving, even as you are waiting. You see the amazing things that He is capable of. You hear the testimony and something wells up inside of you. You praise Him for what He did for someone else.

  4. Pray. Yes pray. Prayer and developing an intimate connection with the Lord is paramount. Once you start to seek Him daily in prayer, your faith will build. Once you start to communicate with God you will learn the many ways that He speaks to us. God reveals things through prayer as well. Pray and then learn to sit quietly in His presence. This takes time and is not easy initially. But very worth it in your walk with God.

 

faithwalk

As I mentioned earlier, the Israelites were walking by sight and not faith, despite the experiences that they had with God. They had testimonies of His greatness and the wonderful things He did for them. He sustained them in the wilderness. He fed them with manna falling from Heaven. Fresh manna daily. They couldn’t store it up, because they had to depend on Him daily. Just as we do. As we should. That’s a miracle. They didn’t go hungry and He was with them daily. His cloud followed them by day and His fire by night. He led them. They knew what He was capable of. They started complaining about the manna. Lord help us. We are not so different today.

Their unbelief came with consequences.  They didn’t believe Him.  Yes, they had to wait. But, how did they wait?  With murmurs and complaints the entire time that He was sustaining them and teaching them. He gave them laws during this time among other things. At the end of the day, they were unable to enter into the promise land because of their unbelief. (Number 14: 20-23) The funny thing is, they would say that they believed and would do all that God said to do, yet their actions didn’t line up with that. A lesson for us today, for sure.

Without faith it is impossible to please God. (Hebrews 11:6)  Catch that?

What makes it hard is all the other voices we hear. Not anything spooky. I mean, our own voice, the enemy, our friends, etc. We have to learn to drown out the noise. A great way to do this is watching what we take in. What we listen to. What we watch. If we are spending more time daily with anything and everything but God, we will miss what He is saying. It’s more than just going to church on Sunday. It’s deeper than that. It takes pressing into Him. He says seek and you shall find. (Matthew 7:7)

When doubt enters in, rebuke it. When negative thoughts come, rebuke them and replace them with positive thoughts. The word says we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5) This is an all day, daily thing. I say this because thoughts will come. You will look at your situation and thoughts will come, words and actions even. But make a practice of taking them captive.

Speak life into your situations: Speak these affirmations, depending on the situation: I am the head and not the tail. I am a lender and not a borrower. By His stripes I am healed. I am the righteousness of Christ. God will perfect that which concerns me. All things will work for the good of those who love God and called to His purpose. I am called according to His purpose and things will work out for me. God is not a man that He could lie. What He says will come to pass. God says His word will not return to Him void. It will do what He purposes for it to do. God will never leave or forsake me. God knew me before the foundation of the world. God is my provider. In all my ways I will acknowledge him and he will set my path straight. There is nothing taking God by surprise. He knows all things. I can trust the Lord in my situation.

Say things like that. That’s the sword of the Spirit. The word of God.

I am very practical when it comes to this because I go off of my experiences. I have had many situations where a word was spoken over me and I look around and I don’t understand because my situation looks nothing like what was spoken. I have tried to take matters in my own hands as well many times because the Lord didn’t move when or the way I thought He should.  I think of the scripture in Proverbs 14:12 that says, “There is a way that seems right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.” This scripture is repeated at Proverbs 16:25.  We can’t just go our own way and think all will be well. It won’t. I believe the word of God. If you are a believer, you must act like it. Not in word only, but in deed. In your actions, even your thoughts.

God doesn’t move on our timetable. But He is always right on time. I know it sounds like a cliche’, but it is very true. You’ve had your experiences. What is different about this one that you’re in? Is God different? No. The word says that He is the same yesterday, today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8) So If He isn’t different, why can’t you trust Him? Yes, you find yourself in a tough situation. You may have been prophesied an answer. You may have been prophesied something amazing for your future or perhaps your spiritual gifts. You may look and say, “When Lord?”, “How Lord?”  And Glory to God because even in the waiting, He will sometimes reinforce what He said, so you know that He does, in fact hear you. It can come through someone else, a dream, the written or spoken word, or directly thru your spirit.

He speaks to you. But are you listening? Remember His thoughts are not your thoughts and ways not your ways. He may not move the way you want, or when, but again, He IS moving. He loves you with an everlasting love. Don’t doubt Him. You can stand on His word trusting that it will come to pass.

Trust God even when His answer is wait.

What are some ways that you stand on your faith, even when your reality says something other than what God said?

 

Where we are weak…

God is strong. 

The Lord says that where we are weak, He is strong.

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“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬
 “So be strong and courageous, all you who put your hope in the Lord!”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭31:24‬ ‭NLT‬‬

When do you actually find out how strong you are? When do you find out what you’re made of? How much can you endure? 

It’s through trials and tribulations that we all face in the world. 

I was sitting outside this morning enjoying my coffee and reflecting on this season of my life. 

I was reflecting on the loss of my mom last year, suddenly from a heart attack.

I didn’t understand. That was such a hard time for me. Do you think it’s easier to lose someone suddenly or watch them slowly slip away? 

Think about it…

I think about it and I wish I had more time with my mom. I would not want to see her “wasting away” but I definitely wish she was still here. We are selfish too, you know. 

We want what we want. We want who we want. Sometimes our loved ones want to go. Sometimes they are tired.

In the case of my mom, I felt, in retrospect, that she knew that she was leaving us. She said her goodbyes. How do people know?? I don’t know. But she did. 

The last time I saw her felt like a “goodbye”, she told me how proud she was of me and how much she loved me and that she knew I would continue to do well in life. She looked me in the eyes and was extra “loving”  My mother was not like that. She didn’t say, “I love you” often at all. And that was ok. It was normal. But there was more said and I left there feeling amazing at how she spoke to me. I felt like a little girl hearing from your mom how proud she was of you. I joked with her how she was laying it on thick LOL and I would be there to pick her and dad up Monday because they hadn’t been to my new salon since it was finished. They saw it a few times while it was being worked up and everything .

We made a date. 

That day never came. She passed away 4 days later from that conversation.

That same year in September, towards the end of the month, I felt a lump in my right breast. I was alarmed. I was in the shower and something made me check. It wasn’t a regular routine for me. Let me tell you though. As soon as I felt it, I instantly knew it wasn’t right. It wasn’t just fibrous tissues. I hoped, but something inside of me said otherwise. 

I called my Gynecologist. I saw her in October. She wanted further examination. She wrote me a referral for a mammogram. It would be my very first. 

I made that call after my 40th birthday party. I didn’t want to deal with it. I went for my mammogram. It came back abnormal. Then there were more tests. Ultrasounds and biopsies. 

All of which were abnormal. Hmmmm is this really happening?? That is what I wondered. 

After it was all said and done, I was diagnosed with Breast cancer. Initially they thought stage 2b before surgery. After they opened me up they discovered so much more disease and I was officially stage 3b. What? How? Why? 


The doctors said coming in October versus November would not have made a difference. From the size and spread of the tumor, it was inside of me for awhile. So during this time, my mother in law was hospitalized and my father. They both had major surgery. I didn’t want to tell them what was going on with me. 

Christmas Day was spent going to the hospital visiting them both. All the while knowing I had cancer, but didn’t want to tell them. 

I kept it under wraps and told my spiritual mom, spiritual sisters and natural sister. I slowly started to let it be known. I needed prayer. I needed strength.

My dad was also diagnosed with liver cancer. He currently is fighting that cancer which is stage 4 and spread to his bones. God help us. 

I say that you never know how strong you are until you go through. 

My life has been turned upside down. Yet still I stand! 

I am thankful to God for His mercy and peace. He has given me peace in the midst of this storm. 

“Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.”

‭‭Job‬ ‭13:15‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Trials and tribulations do not have to be the end.

We will face trials in this world. No one is immune to them. Jesus was heavily persecuted and said that we would be as well. My trial may not be yours; however, it doesn’t diminish yours. 

We all share this human experience, meaning we experience similar issues. Issues that cut through race barriers. Issues that cut through religion and sexuality barriers. We are human. We are in a world where food that is meant to give us nutrition is killing us. That’s another story altogether smh.

I want to encourage you today that God never intended for us to live this way. He doesn’t want us suffering like we are. He loves us. He desires us all to be saved. He desires us all to come to an accurate knowledge of who He is. 

Death is not the end. Not if you’re saved. Jesus has Resurrection power! Hallelujah!


John 5:28-29, NKJV. “Do not marvel at this; for the hour is coming in which all who are in the graves will hear His voice and come forth – those who have done good, to the resurrection of life, and those who have done evil, to the resurrection of condemnation.”

I encourage you to live your life and enjoy it daily. I encourage you to get to know God. I encourage you to do things you love and be around people you love. I encourage you to be selfish with yourself sometimes. Understand how important time is and how you can’t get it back. Don’t allow people to waste it. Spend time with who you want. Be genuine in your dealings with people. Trust that God will set your path straight. Cast your cares on Him. Don’t live your life frustrated . Remember that we all have choices. We just have to deal with our choices, whatever that may be. 

Remember to be kind. In a cruel world that is rare, but people are kind. They’re out here.

 You want love? Show love

You want a friend? Be a friend. 

Let it start with the man or woman in the mirror. Many times we must encourage ourselves. But let’s also encourage others. 

Life is definitely what we make it. It’s about how we react to the situations we deal with daily. What is our thought process like? You know thoughts turn into actions, actions into habits, habits into character… 

I always say the battle is in our minds. Stay strong in your mind. Stay positive. Faith helps with this. Trying to go at it alone without God seems daunting to me. We all need hope. Without hope what’s the point of it all? 


What do you believe in? Trust in? It must be greater than yourself? Right?

 Take the limits off God! We’re limited. He is not. 

Regardless of what life throws at me, I know the Lord will never leave nor forsake me. I believe that! That’s real to me. My hope lies with Him. 

I love you for taking the time to read my blog. I truly love writing and expressing myself this way. This is healing to my mind and spirit.

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